Tales from the Batcave

Mister Bones' Top 5

2012-02-22T17:46:00.000-05:00

Let's do a top 5 shall we? It's been a while, and if the "popular posts" header over there on my right is any indication these are some of my most read posts for some reason beknownst only to the internet gods. Anyway, bad guys, I've almost always rooted for the bad guys. They almost always have the best costumes, best toys, best leaders, best everything. With that in mind, here are the top 5 evil organizations I would join today, no questions asked, were they real.

Top 5 Evil Organizations You Can Sign Me Up For

5. Umbrella Corporation (Resident Evil) - How cool are these guys? Bio experiments creating all kinds of fucked up monsters and shit, even at times going so far as to turn themselves into nearly indestructible walking death machines. The Tyrant, Nemesis, Lickers, Hunters, and the list goes on and on. I already work in the medical field, with the right benefits package, the Umbrella Corporation is only the logical step in my career path. Just call me Mister Wesker.

4. Cobra (GI Joe) - Whether you're a supporter of Destro, that douchebag Serpentor, or the supreme badass Cobra Commander, one thing you gotta admit is that it's MUCH better to be a Cobra than a Joe. What a collection of lame-asses those guys are. Even if I don't get my own cool code name and specialty like Storm Shadow or Major Bludd, I'm still down to be a Viper or Crimson Guardsman, hell I'll even take Techno-Viper if it means I'm not Footloose or Quick Kick.

3. Helghast (Killzone) - For my number three pick, I have to admit I'm being completely shallow. This one is ALL about that uniform. How sick would I look rocking one of those? Dude. I'm not sure exactly what age you get to enlist on Helghan, but I'm thinking I would be one of those guys who lied about their age to get in early. In fact, as I'm sitting here typing this I'm wondering if maybe I couldn't actually find a replica somewhere online. I would never take it off.

2. Decepticons (Transformers) - Tell me ONE thing that isn't named "Optimus Prime" that makes being an Autobot more badass than a Decepticon? You can't. Better logo, better shit to transform into, and a complete and total lack of concern about the puny humans who get in the way of their quest to acquire the precious energon needed to return back to Cybertron and straight up run shit. That's the kind of thinking I can get on board with. I even know what I would transform into, a jet black Range Rover equipped with missiles, mini guns, tactical nukes, and a never ending supply of Jolly Ranchers. The name "Rangimus Rovertron" would only be spoken in frightened whispers by trembling Autobots all over the galaxy. All hail Megatron!

1. Empire (Star Wars) - Yeah, ok which side are YOU gonna choose? The galactic Empire with all the cool ships and vehicles, repping the Dark Side of the Force, throwing lightning all over the place and choking bitches from across the room with our thumbs and index fingers....OR a ragtag bunch of "rebels" who can push shit across the room and makeout with their sisters? Thought so. Whether I'm a Storm Trooper or a Sith Lord, I'm Dark Side for life. Still undecided? Let me help make your mind up for you...

Welcome to the Dark Side.

There you go, my top favorite evil organizations. A few quick honorable mention shout-outs for the Cobra Kai, Marvel's undead ninja badasses The Hand, Spaceballs, the Pyramid Head worshiping Order from Silent Hill, Hail Hydra!, and last but most certainly not least...LOS LOCOS! Major props to anyone other than my brother who gets that last reference. All hail Megatron! For Helghan! Strike first, strike hard, no mercy sir! COOOOOBBBBRRRRAAAA!!!!!

Batman's Night Out

2012-02-20T18:02:00.000-05:00

What's better than regular Batman? Canadian Batman!

Happy Birthday Jacob!

2012-02-19T10:18:00.000-05:00

My little man is growing up way too fast. Already 8 years old, and it feels like barely any time has passed since the day I brought him home from the hospital. Lots of things have changed since then, but in my eyes he's still the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. Your dad loves you kid, happy birthday.

Episode IV: A New Hero

2012-02-18T07:01:00.000-05:00

A Batman 1989/Star Wars mash-up? Damn you Ript...you win this time...

Friday Night Drive-In

2012-02-17T19:00:00.002-05:00

Not a movie this week, but something just as good! Unless you've been living under a rock the last couple of weeks, you've undoubtedly become aware that AMC's The Walking Dead has made it's triumphant return from a mid-season break. On the off chance that you missed last week's episode, I thought I'd post it in it's entirety so you can get all caught up and ready for Sunday's brand new episode. Who's looking out for ya? Of course if you haven't seen ANY of season 2 so far, DO NOT WATCH THIS as a major plot point will be totally spoiled for you. You've been warned. Enjoy!

Happy Birthday to ME!

2012-02-16T05:42:00.000-05:00

Busy, busy, busy this week. I've got plans for every day all the way through Monday. Still, never too busy to take a second to publicly and shamelessly wish myself a happy birthday at the Batcave here. Hope you all enjoy my birthday as much as I do, especially those of you with whom I have plans to share some of it with. That feeling the rest of you are burning up inside with as you're reading this? That's called "jealousy", and really, aren't you better than that? Chin up old chum, there's always next year...

Infinite Playlist - 1000 Lies

2012-02-15T17:24:00.000-05:00

From Texas in July off their album "One Reality". Enjoy!

Comic Book Men

2012-02-13T20:45:00.001-05:00

Last night AMC premiered it's newest show Comic Book Men. In what can only be described as sheer brilliance, they're even running it directly following The Walking Dead, which as we all know is based on a comic book of the same name. That's right, a COMIC BOOK, not "the series of graphic novels" as the credits to the show declare. Fuck that shit, I can't even believe Kirkman is cool with that line being in there, but that's a whole other argument for a whole other day. Anyway, Comic Book Men is a show about Kevin Smith's famous "Jay and Bob's Secret Stash" comic book store in Red Bank, New Jersey, and stars Smith himself alongside his friends who actually run the store. Kevin plays a minor role, basically existing only as a bit of a narrator as a member of the group as they record their podcast, talking about comics and the things that have happened in the store that day/week.

Little bit of a side note, and some personal history about myself and Secret Stash, when I was getting married and my ex and I were doing all that oh so fun planning and such, I only had two small requests. One, I did NOT want Lynrd Skynrd's Sweet Home Alabama played at the reception as just because that's where I'm from does not mean I love that song, the fact of the matter is I hate it, and two, being that the honeymoon was in Pennsylvania in the mountains, and it was likely to be the closest I was ever going to get to Red Bank, I wanted to take a day and go to the Secret Stash. As it turns out, Sweet Home Alabama did get played because to people who aren't from Alabama, playing it whenever people who are from Alabama are present, it becomes hilarious. And yep, you guessed it, my trip to Red Bank got shot down before it was ever given much consideration. Apparently going that far to a comic book store was out of the question. Is there any wonder why this person is now my ex?

Back on topic, I'm always skeptical about shows like this which feature "my people". We comic book readers are more often that not portrayed in a not so glamorous fashion to say the least. I had hopes though that with Kevin Smith being involved, knowing he has seen the exact same thing over the years, maybe this show would be different. The result lies unfortunately on both sides of the fence for me. I was pretty disappointed that less than five minutes in these guys are already talking about which female comic characters they want to bang. Seriously guys? After that though, the show turns out to be somewhat of a clone of all the pawn shop type shows that are all the rage these days. I don't watch any of those, but being that this is a comic shop, and the things people are bringing in to sell are almost all comic book related, I ended up enjoying it. It's not the greatest thing every by any means, but I'll keep watching. I've embedded the first episode below from AMC's website, give it a look. Recommended for comic book fans, and most Kevin Smith fans will find at least a little something to like as well.

Evil Lives

2012-02-12T06:36:00.000-05:00

Man Nowhere Bad is determined to see me fail in my "no more t-shirts in 2012" campaign! Gotta love a patriotic Jason. There's only a couple of days left to grab this one, so hop to it if it tickles your fancy like it does mine.

I'm in Crysis 2!

2012-02-11T06:52:00.000-05:00

Check this shit out! I almost fell off the couch when I heard it. Yes, it's spelled wrong, but still. If I only liked Crysis before, I truly love it now, haha.

From Crysis Wiki:

"Mitchell Reeves lies dead on the loading platform with two of his homeys, twitching under the ministrations of a pair of ticks."—AlcatrazMitchell Reeves was a C.E.L.L. soldier that was killed by Ceph in the mission Dark Heart of Crysis 2.According to Hargreave, he was the best of his men aside from Tara Strickland. Dead bodies of his squad members are scattered about Dark Heart. Alcatraz can find three surviving members of the squad in alien-infested subway, but they are usually overrun by Ceph Stalkers. Reeves and his team are equipped with SCAR, M12 Novas, Marshalls, DSG-1s, AY-69s, and one X-43 MIKE.

Friday Night Drive-In

2012-02-10T19:00:00.000-05:00

The infected have over-run the Drive-In!!! Don't call em zombies though, they're just REALLY sick. Anyway, big fan of the 28 Days movies, this one of course being the sequel to 28 Days Later. I still think Days is the superior of the two, but I dig Weeks, it stands on it's own. Short and sweet this week, enjoy the movie!

Step 1: Kill the Infected. Step 2: Containment. If containment fails, then Step 3: Extermination.

Random Screen Grab

2012-02-09T20:50:00.000-05:00

Lego Captain America

2012-02-07T16:49:00.002-05:00

Cold Sweat

2012-02-06T10:36:00.001-05:00

We've all fallen for the awesome trailer trick before. If you're into movies at all, at some point and time, you're going to see a trailer that looks absolutely amazing, and you're going to make seeing that particular movie your new mission in life. Sometimes the flick ends up being everything you hoped it would be, sometimes even more than you'd hoped....but every now and then you sit down to watch the movie and right away you realize things aren't playing out like you'd hoped, and before you know it the movie is over and you're just left with yet another of life's disappointments. Maybe it was the movie, maybe it was you, maybe you just didn't get it, but whatever the case, the end result is the same, disappointment. Case in point, Cold Sweat. I saw the trailer and loved it, in fact I was probably looking forward to seeing it more than anything else I'm currently keeping an eye on. I finally got a chance to check it out this weekend, and well, as I'm sure you've guessed by now, I didn't really like it.

It's almost impossible to really talk about this movie without giving away spoilers, as the trailer does very little to give you an idea as to what exactly is going on. I'm going to attempt to go into as little detail plot-wise as possible, but I will have to give away a little bit of the overall goings-on. Cold Sweat ends up being yet another torture flick, only one with a plot so ridiculous that I honestly can't believe anybody ever thought this was a good idea. Again, maybe I just didn't get it. I've said plenty of times before, I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Basically, fed up with the youth today, two elderly ex-political extremists are using the internet to lure people to their house, where they use acid, nitro-glycerine, and other methods to torture them. Why do they torture them? Because apparently the average young person's vocabulary only includes around 200 words. That's the only explanation we get as to why they're doing what they're doing.

When Cold Sweat begins, Roman and a friend of his have tracked his ex-girlfriend down, looking for an explanation as to why she ended their relationship. She had apparently been chatting with someone on the internet, and ended things with her Roman in the hopes of pursuing a budding internet relationship. As it turns out, you guessed it, the person she had been chatting with was really one of the old guys, and when she arrived at the house, she was taken down to the basement and slathered in a healthy coating of nitro-glycerine. Probably for her lack of vocabulary or some nonsense such as that. So our hero Roman risks life and limb to rescue this person who had every intention of breaking his heart and leaving him for some stranger she met online. Dude's a better person than I am.

Ridiculously stupid plot aside, there were a couple of things I actually liked about the movie, don't want to be completely negative here. There was some decent cinematography on display. I liked a couple of shots, particularly a slow motion look at what happens when a bottle of nitro gets tossed through the air and makes contact with someone's chest in a small hallway with three or four other people standing around. It was gloriously messy. I also liked when they found all the other women who had been victims of the torture, although they had a really limited screen time, they ended up being my favorite part of the movie. What can I say? I'm a sucker for cellar dwellers.

Otherwise though, Cold Sweat didn't really do anything for me. Normally when I sit down with a Dark Sky Films release, I feel pretty confident that I'm in good hands, this time I was pretty let down. They can't all be winners I guess. With so many superior flicks out there in the genre, it's hard to recommend Cold Sweat to anyone other than the most devoted of torture porn addicts. The rest of us may as well keep walking.

Friday Night Drive-In

2012-02-03T19:00:00.000-05:00

Remakes, we've all had this discussion countless times before, and there's no need for me to talk about them yet again here. Let's just say, I'm not totally against them, and on occasion I even end up liking the remake as much as or better than the original. In the case of tonight's Drive-In pick, I ended up liking it just as much as the original.

Alex Aja's a personal favorite of mine, and has been since the first time I saw Haute Tension. I was really excited when I heard that he was going to remake Wes Craven's The Hills Have Eyes, which I had seen and enjoyed. Turns out Aja was more than capable, and he ended up making on hell of a movie that stands just fine on it's own, regardless of remake status. I love this movie for several reasons, but the one that really sells me on it is Doug. I fuckin love this guy. I guess I can relate to the love he feels for his baby, which leads to him taking on the mutants living in the hills all by himself to get her back. I'd totally fight an entire army of mutants for either one of my kids, wouldn't think twice about it. Anyway, sit back and prepare yourself for some good old fashioned mutant on family violence! Enjoy The Hills Have Eyes.

Mister, will you play with us?

Fright Rags Sale

2012-02-01T16:40:00.001-05:00

Woke up after my date night with the Twisted Twins to some awesome news, Fright Rags has several designs on sale for up to 50% off. As an early birthday present to myself I ordered a couple, even though one of my resolutions was to stop buying t-shirts. At only $10 each, there was no way I could pass up a shirt from one of my favorite movies from last year, Hobo With a Shotgun, and even though I'm admittedly not the biggest Hatchet fan on Earth, I've proclaimed my love for the art on the Fright Rags Hatchet shirt before, so it's on it's way to my mailbox as well.

Super-neato artwork there, can't wait to get them. Other notable $10 stuff worth a look is their infamous Zombie vs Shark, as well as Fright Night, Blood Diner, and Critters designs. Also, for all you ladies out there, the entire women's line of shirts is on sale for 30% off. Only while supplies last, so if you're interested in something, better get that order in before your size is gone.

Dead Hooker in a Trunk on DVD Today!

2012-01-31T07:29:00.003-05:00

Get your copy right here!

Random Screen Grab

2012-01-30T19:26:00.000-05:00

BONUS SECTION!

This time in the bonus section, I give to you what is hands down the absolute finest delivery of the line "You ever been skull-fucked after an ass-rape?!?!" in the history of cinema by the super talented, all around good guy and friend of mine, Mr. CJ Wallis as Goody Two-Shoes....

The Villain Revealed!

2012-01-28T09:34:00.001-05:00

For those who have been keeping up with the events in The Dark Knight, in which someone is causing Bat-villains to Hulk-Out, it was revealed on the last page of issue 4 that the one and only Scarecrow was to blame! I loves me some Scarecrow, in fact he's second only to Joker in my mind when it comes to Bat-villains. Here's what happened in this week's latest issue...

For those of you keeping score at home, this is like the fifth time that Batman has beaten the crap out of Supes in continuity. Tell me again about how Batman could never beat up Superman? Didn't think so.

All signs point to Scarecrow's latest batch of Fear Toxin being laced with Venom, the juice that gives Bane his super-strength. I'm thinking that even though he hasn't shown up yet, we're looking at a Scarecrow/Bane collabo, but it's still unclear as to who the White Rabbit chick is. Stay tuned for further info as it's released...same Bat-time, same Bat-Blog!

Friday Night Drive-In

2012-01-27T19:00:00.001-05:00

Unforeseen circumstances caused me to have to shut down my Drive-In last Friday, but I'm back this week, and with a bit of a tip of the old cowl to the wonderful Astrovania, I'm bringing Kathy Bates with me! Who doesn't love this movie? Even my mom loves this movie. It's one of those rare instances when horror crosses that boundary where it's only enjoyed by a select few weirdos like us, and magically becomes accepted by the masses. It's the sledgehammer scene, yanno? Joe Public may not like to admit it, but they get off on sadistic shit like that, just like we do.

When a best selling novelist crashes his car in a blizzard, he's rescued by his "number one fan", who just so happens to be completely nuts. She's obsessed with the characters of his novels, and completely flips her shit when she finds out that he plans to kill one of them in his next book.

Cockadoodie Car!!!

New Year's Resolutions

2012-01-25T18:12:00.001-05:00

January is already winding down, and in just a couple of weeks I will be yet another year older, still with no idea as to what or where I want to be working toward in my life. I'm not one of these people who have to have this huge, thought-out plan or anything that I'm constantly working toward. In fact, as long as I can go to work every day, come home and spend some time with my kids, play some video games, maybe watch a movie or read a comic book every now and then, I'm a pretty happy camper. That being said, it's still nice to have that feeling of accomplishment that comes along with setting a goal for myself and actually completing it. So I thought, why not do some fairly reasonable new year's resolutions, just a couple of little things that give my life some semblance of a purpose as I go forward into 2012. In no particular order, here they are...

- Finish Grand Theft Auto IV This one I'm taking personal. This goddamn game has been a thorn in my side for far too long. It's not that I don't like it, it's a good game, and I've actually enjoyed Niko's story and would like to finish it. It's the goddamn controls! I obviously don't possess the required ambidexterity that is required to both aim a gun and fire, while at the same time steer a car at high speeds through streets filled with heavy traffic. It's fucking frustrating attempting the same mission over and over and over and over and over....and over again. This is my year though, one way or another I will finish it. And then I will play The Lost and the Damned dlc because I bought it too and have never touched it.

- Draw more If you're keeping up at all, you will likely already realize that I'm well on my way on this one. I just did a Boba Fett for my brother this past weekend, I've done a few more of my stupid custom cd's, and I've got a couple of other things lined up as well that I will be beginning work on soon. It seems like I usually get back into drawing whenever I have something happen that really stresses me out, and I use it as an outlet to occupy my mind when I don't like what's going on in there. Whatever works, right? Plus while I don't ever think I'm going to be good enough to attempt to draw for money, it couldn't hurt to keep practicing and just see what I end up coming up with. I may even surprise myself.

- Get out more When I got married and had kids, going out sort of took a back seat to married life and parenting, as is the norm, or so I thought anyway. Time has told the story on that one, but what the hell, I'm different. Always have been, always will be. Anyway, I haven't been married for 3 years now, yet I'm still kind of living in that mentality. I never do anything, even on the rare occasion that I don't have my kids, I still usually sit at home. I feel like a senior citizen, and I'm only in my 30's. Part of my problem is I'm anti-social, and not because I don't like to be around people, it's because I have trouble finding anybody that I actually want to be around. Again, I'm different. I'm also socially retarded. You get me around people I don't know, and ask me to actually speak, and it's as awkward as watching a baby deer take its first steps. This will undoubtedly be the hardest of my resolutions for me to actually carry out, but as with drawing, I'm already working on this one too. I've got some outings coming up, including my very first trip to New York to visit my brother and meet up with some people that I've known for years online but have never even laid eyes on in person. So I'm pretty excited about where things are going for now. I just have to stay at it.

- Keep on writing I enjoy my stupid little blog, but have never really thought of it as "writing". I just sort talk about things the way I would if you and I were sitting on my couch, only here I'm typing. Late last year I was approached about actually writing something that would end up in a magazine, and I said I would give it a shot, but haven't because I'm a big chicken. This would actually be the second time I've chickened out of something like this, as a couple of years ago I was asked to write movie reviews for a horror website, and didn't feel like I had the ability to actually "review". I still don't. I read movie reviews at other blogs, and think, damn I just watch the movies. I don't have the skill to break them down on levels like this. The interest is there though, and I guess it always has been. I can remember writing little short stories as a kid, and wanting to write comics all through high school. Writing is something that I think I could potentially do, I just have to do it. The biggest problem is my lack of confidence, but then that comes into play in almost every single thing I do in life. I will always be my biggest critic, and as such, also my biggest obstacle to overcome. So don't be surprised to see more posts here this year that are actually honest attempts at writing, and when you do see them, for Christ's sake...be gentle.

- Get out of debt and STAY out I'm actually in way better shape that a lot of people I know, but still I could deal with some extra money every month. This single parenting thing is expensive, and as my babies get older, they're getting more and more expensive. School, Boy Scouts, sports, etc. and that's just for my son, my daughter will also be going into pre-K this year, so I know the added expense is coming and I know I need to be doing a little bit better before that time gets here. What this basically means is that I need to stop paying the minimum on my credit card, and actually get the bastard paid off for good.

- Shape up or ship out I go to the gym almost every day. I watch what I eat, I've cut back on soda, I go outside and play with my kids, and I'm still not happy with my appearance. I honestly don't think I'm every going to be truly satisfied, and that's ok as it just means that I will continue to work at it. I thought I wanted to build up some muscle, so I had been hitting the weights pretty hard, and even started taking protein shakes in the place of one meal a day, breakfast most of the time. That would've been great had it also not caused me to GAIN weight on top of the muscle. I'm thinking I should've done more to balance things out more evenly. It got to the point that I had abandoned any cardio completely, and I was doing weights at the gym then coming home and doing weight here too. I started to look like a bear with the weight I was gaining. So as of this month, I've gone back to just cardio, running, getting on the bike, etc. in the hopes that I can get back down to close to where I was, and then start over on weights, only doing things in moderation and continuing with cardio as well, alternating between the two during the week. And I'm not going to be using any sort of enhancers anymore, I'm gonna give it a shot all natural and see what kind of results I can get strictly from had work. I'll likely just finish the year out old, fat, and really tired. We'll see.

No more t-shirts Jesus Christ at the t-shirts! I have more clothes than your average teenage girl, and when you couple that with that fact that, as I mentioned above, I never go anywhere, well it becomes a little bit ridiculous. It's honestly not even about owning the clothes either, most of the things I buy, I do so because I dig the art. I've got to stop though, as it's becoming a bit of a space issue, in that I simply have no more for clothing. Last weekend I actually had to hang a rod in my utility room because my closet and dressers simply won't hold any more. I could wear a different shirt every day for most of this year without repeating. It's sad, and probably the one obsession I have that makes the least sense. I doubt I'll go cold turkey, and that's largely Fright Rags' fault, but I am going to be more picky when it comes to buying shirts, and I've got to stop looking at those damn daily tee sites.

So that's a few things that I plan on working on this year. It may not sound like much to those of you who are a bit more goal oriented, but life has pretty much beaten things like "hopes and dreams" out of me at this point. I'm going to settle for making the life I have just a little more enjoyable, work on fixing the things that I actually can right now, and maybe when my kids get a little bit older I can start thinking about maybe going to school myself or what exactly it is I want to be when I grow up, because I still don't know.

Boba Fett

2012-01-24T16:43:00.000-05:00

A sketch I did for my brother's new place. He is to Star Wars as I am to Batman, so when he asked for some original art to hang up, of course I went with Star Wars. Decided on Boba Fett because he's one of my favorite characters, and I had actually never drawn him before. I think it turned out pretty good, especially given that it was actually one of the quickest sketches I've ever done. I started it last Saturday night, and was finished on Sunday morning. I spent around 5 hours grand total on it, and it usually takes me a lot longer to finish anything.

So anyway, here it is, because I had nothing else to post today. He ended up digging it, and I will be personally delivering it to him at the beginning of March, when I'll be taking my first ever trip to the Big Apple. I'm excited and nervous about the trip, but that's another post for another day. But yeah, Boba Fett, hope ya digs it too.

Resident Evil 6 Trailer

2012-01-23T11:25:00.001-05:00

Fuck. Yes.

Cold Slither

2012-01-22T09:20:00.000-05:00

It's only January, and Nowhere Bad has already decided to go ahead and print the shirt of the year. Cold Slither is a MUST-OWN. If you're missing the reference here, I'm very sad for you, but I'm also here to help! Direct your attention to the video below...

Mid-life Crysis

2012-01-21T11:17:00.000-05:00

Being a console gamer, I never got to play Crysis. I read about it, and how you had to have a computer from the distant future to run it, and while on the outside I looked unimpressed and would even go so far as to scoff at the very mention of the Cry Engine, on the inside I was a raging inferno of jealousy. I wanted to play Crysis, I needed to play Crysis, but eventually I made my peace with the fact that I would never play it. I simply have no desire to become a PC gamer, and it had been said a million times over that there was no way a console version could ever be done.

But then Crysis 2 came out, and there were rumors that it was just as awesome as Crysis, if not better, and that a console port was a possibility. I don't think I have to tell you that once again I got caught up in a bit of Crysis fever. However, I was in a bit of a conundrum. See, I have a little problem. I'm a bit of a completist when it comes to franchises, be they movie, video game, or whatever. I can not stand to have a sequel of any kind if I don't have the original. So I held out on Crysis 2, because if I couldn't play Crysis, I was never really going to be able to enjoy it the way I wanted to.

Fast forward a few months, and what should show up on the Xbox Live Marketplace and PSN for $20? Yep, the original Crysis. I'm finally getting to play it. I also went ahead and bought a copy of Crysis 2, which I have laying in wait for when I finish the first one. So far I am loving it. I knew it would be good, but I didn't know it would be this good. It's also absolutely gorgeous and this is almost 5 years after it was originally released. Impressive that a game that old can look just as good, if not better, than some things that are coming out today. I'm still only a couple of hours into it, as I'm juggling play time with a couple of other things, but if it continues to get better I can see myself putting other games on the backburner until I've finished both Crysis games.

I'm pretty close to the midway point of my life, and I'm playing Crysis...I'm having my first mid-life Crysis, and it's every bit as good as I thought it would be.

Super Sloth No. 1

2012-01-19T06:25:00.000-05:00

Today on Ript!

Random Screen Grab

2012-01-18T18:32:00.000-05:00

Sinestro

2012-01-16T07:20:00.000-05:00

If you having girl problems I feel bad for you, son...

Sinestro got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.

Infinite Playlist - Soda in the Water Cup / Girls Don't Lie

2012-01-14T19:44:00.000-05:00

It's a double dose of Attila tonight as I induct my two most favorite of their songs into the Infinite Playlist. Enjoy Soda in the Water Cup and Girls Don't Lie...

Friday Night Drive-In

2012-01-13T19:00:00.001-05:00

Oh fuck yes, it's Friday the 13th! The very first Friday the 13th since I began my Friday Night Drive-In posts, and I tell you in all honesty, I've been waiting for this shit. I knew exactly what I was posting for it too, the movie that made me not only love Jason, but horror movies period... Jason Lives.

I worship this movie. I love every single thing about it. I've compared every single horror movie I've seen since tot his one, and sure there have been contenders, but none have been able to dethrone the champ. This is movie-making at it's finest as far as I'm concerned. It's a Friday the 13th tradition in my Batcave, the ceremonial watching of a Jason flick, this year I've decided to once again revisit Jason Lives, because I'm just in the mood to watch it again. I highly recommend following my wonderful example and either pulling your dvd off the shelf, or watching the edited for tv version along with Joe Bob Briggs here in the Batcave. Happy Friday the 13th!

"So, what were you gonna be when you grew up?"

GI Jason

2012-01-12T09:09:00.000-05:00

A REAL American Slasher! Fright-Rags proves once again that they are THE place to go for horror shirts on the interwebs, no doubt about it. This beautiful piece of nostalgic pop culture cross-pollination almost brought a tear to my eye when I first laid eyes on it. I've been waiting very impatiently for it to become available for order, and tomorrow that glorious day finally arrives. It's a limited edtion, and orders are only going to be taken for three days starting tomorrow, appropriately, Friday the 13th. Hit Fright-Rags here to make sure you don't miss out on this, you know you want it.

I'm definitely in for one, this is a no-brainer. In fact, it's the definition of a no-brainer. While I'm there though, I'm also planning on grabbing one of these glorious American Werewolf in London Rue Morgue cover shirts. I've had my eye on it for a while, and luckily for me, it's currently on sale. It will be mine, oh yes...it will be mine.

Why Won't You Die...Carter?

2012-01-11T16:49:00.000-05:00

As if being played by Paul Reiser isn't bad enough, Carter Burke is the absolute epitome of lying, backstabbing, greedy corporate scum. Sure, it probably wasn't his idea to double-cross Ripley and an entire platoon of space marines, whom he had duped into believing his intention for returning to LV-426 was to investigate what happened to the colony there which had gone silent, when in actuality he was ordered to catch a Xenomorph alive and bring it back with him. But even if all he was doing was carrying out orders from the higher-ups, he didn't have to be such a little bitch about it.

When the plan starts looking like it's not going to work, this douche even goes so far as to release a face-hugger in Ripley and Newt's sleeping quarters while they're catching some z's. Not cool man. As if that wasn't bad enough, even though he'd basically gotten almost everyone involved killed, he probably still would've survived if not for the fact that he was such a pussy. When the marines realize what he was up to, before they can administer the ass-whipping of a lifetime, there's a Xenomorph attack, during which bitch-boy Carter makes an exit through the back door, locking it behind him and trapping the marines, Newt, and Ripley inside with the aliens. Thankfully, as he turns around he's greeted with the business end of a Xenomorph tongue, and the red stuff splatters against the door he thought he was escaping from. Poetic justice if I've ever heard it. Let's all hope this bitch is french kissing Xenomorphs in Hell.

Zombie Star Wars

2012-01-09T17:34:00.001-05:00

I've been asked to do some original Star Wars art, so I started looking through some images on Google for inspiration and found some really cool stuff. I'm sure most of it is probably old, and has likely been seen by everyone on the internet except me, but I thought I'd post some of my favorites anyway. Side note, I'd buy every single one of these on a t-shirt, especially the zombie Wookie.

Random Screen Grab

2012-01-08T14:20:00.000-05:00

Friday Night Drive-In

2012-01-06T19:00:00.000-05:00

If this is the first introduction you've had to tonight's Drive-In movie, then you've been deprived of one of the true classics of the horror genre. I'm sure if you're reading this, then George Romero's Day of the Dead needs absolutely no introduction. It's considered by many (myself included) to be the best of his original "Of the Dead" trilogy. I love everything about this movie, the characters, the plot, the setting, and especially the effects. My God, the effects. I would put this movie up against anything being done today, and watch it win by a landslide.

It's a bit of an oldie though, originally releasing in 1985, and I'm sure almost everybody has seen it a milllion times...but maybe it's been a while since the last time you revisited it, or maybe you can just never get enough of it like me, and if one of those be the case, then by all means enjoy it again at my Drive-In tonight. I plan to do the same.

"I'm running this monkey farm now Frankenstein!"

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter

2012-01-05T21:17:00.000-05:00

Nowhere Bad has knocked another one out of the park! This shirt is devastating , and I simply must have it. It will go on sale tomorrow for $12 and will only be up for four days. So if you want one too, don't be a slacker!

Speaking of slackering, I still haven't read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, or Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter. I need to fix that soon. I may start them as soon as I finish the Strain trilogy. So look out, 2015! Ima read me some books!

Infinite Playlist - First Solace Lost Pimping of 2012!

2012-01-04T17:13:00.000-05:00

Just when you thought it was safe to read one of my infinite playlist posts again...Solace Lost once again returns to melt your face and drop elbows on your ear drums off the top turnbuckle Randy Savage style! I don't have anything new to post that I haven't already done before, but they're playing again this Saturday at the Masquerade in Atlanta and it's kind of a big deal, for a couple reasons. The first being, they will be playing new material that even I've never heard before, so I'm psyched for that big time. The second is I will be accompanied by my son, who will be attending his first ever concert. He's never expressed any interest in seeing a band play before, but out of the blue in my truck a few weeks ago he asked if he could go see the "Sunglasses at Night" band, as he apparently loves their cover of that song.

It's also good to do this being that I've picked up a few new followers lately thanks largely in part to my having created a facebook page for the old blog here, which my blogger buddy Robocop's Sad Side kindly pimped at his own page. You should probably go ahead and "like" both of our pages, as they're awesome. Anyway, you new guys, this is my friend's band Solace Lost and they're super neat. Below is some of the new material they will be playing at the Masquerade this Saturday, Jan 7th. , so be sure and check it out. There will also be 7 other bands playing with them, and I'm sure they will probably rock harder than Dwayne Johnson too. As always, if you like what you hear and would like to know more about the band, you can find them on Facebook as well as a number of other places online, or you could always just contact me.

I. Set. The. Earth. On. Fi-YURR.

Of course I love all their stuff, but I fucking worship "Rise From Ashes". Deeevvvilll Hoooorrrnnsss!!!

The Innkeepers

2012-01-02T20:56:00.000-05:00

I might as well start this off by stating the fact that I'm a Ti West fan. I dig the guy's movies, even Cabin Fever 2 which for some reason even he doesn't give much credit to. The Roost and House of the Devil though, I loved. So I had been looking forward to The Innkeepers for a good while, and was hoping I would get to catch it in a theater somewhere last year. Unfortunately I wasn't able to, and I was forced to wait for the VOD release, which came this past Friday. Here we are on Monday, and I've finally gotten to see it. Was it everything I hoped it would be? Was it what I expected? No, not really. Does that mean I didn't enjoy the hell out of it? No, not at all.

The Innkeepers is the story of two hotel attendants, Claire and Luke, who work at the fabled Yankee Peddler Inn, which is said to be haunted by the spirit of Madeline O'Malley. Madeline was a bride who returned to the Inn after being stood up at the altar on her wedding day and hung herself in her room. Every since, guests have reported seeing her spirit still roaming the halls, searching for her lost love. In the present, the Peddler has seen better days, and is scheduled to close it's doors for good. Claire and Luke are working it's final weekend of operation alone, with only two guests checked in. Luke is into the whole paranormal aspect of the place, he has a web page dedicated to the activity that's said to happen there and he has a sound recording device that he brings with him, convinced that he can capture evidence that Madeline still resides at the Inn. Fueled by the boredom of the place being mostly empty and quiet, and a little beer, they decide to try and make contact, and prove once and for all that the Yankee Peddler Inn is haunted. Unfortunately for them, they succeed.

Let's go ahead and get this out of the way, The Innkeepers is a Ti West movie. It's what is known on the internet as a "slow burn" (ugh, I hate that term), but should come as no surprise if you've seen any of his other films. It's pretty much what he's known for. The thing is, Sarah Paxton (Claire) and Pat Healey (Luke) turn in such fantastic performances that you won't even really notice that it's been on for an hour with nary a hint of an actual ghost. I actually found Claire and Luke to be likable characters, which is rare for me in any movie, especially a horror movie. Being that they are most of the cast, and share the majority of the screen time, how you feel about them will likely make or break the movie for you. I honestly could've watched nothing but the two of them interact together for 100 minutes. Can't say enough good things about Paxton and Healey.

Technically, this movie is fantastic. I loved all the awkward camera pulls and movement. There are plenty of creative shots, almost all of which made even the most mundane act (walking down a hall) somehow seem more interesting, or at least make you think maybe something was lurking just off the screen watching. The Inn itself is beautiful, which again is important because the movie only ventures outside it's doors a couple of times, and then it isn't for very long. The music even managed to impress, effortlessly changing the tone from the light-hearted, often comedic interaction between Luke and Claire, to the "impending doom" sort of tension that I've come to expect from a Ti West movie. Sound effects were just as good, particularly during the evp recording sessions.

Now for the good stuff, the ghosts. I've read plenty of reviews of The Innkeepers, and the results have been split between folks who weren't creeped out at all, and folks who couldn't sleep after watching it. I'm going to be siding with the people who had trouble sleeping on this one, but I'm admittedly a bit biased when it comes to really good ghost movies. The thing is, I psych myself out so much that I'm usually still creeped out long after the movie has ended. In fact, sitting home alone as I type this, I've looked over my shoulder at least a half dozen times, and I promise you I've heard every single noise in this house in the last hour since the credits rolled. It took it a while to get there, but after the first time Claire and Luke visited the basement, I was genuinely creeped out. There isn't really much in the way of gore, and as you can imagine being that there are literally 6 characters total in the hotel, there's even less in the way of a body count, but it's a ghost flick, so that's to be expected. The ghosts themselves look great though, particularly Madeline, still in her wedding dress and veil.

Like House of the Devil, The Innkeepers may not be for everybody, but it definitely gets my seal of approval. I doubt it will change the mind of any of the Ti West haters out there, but if you like his method of filmmaking, you will most likely enjoy it. I would also think Insidious fans, particularly those who enjoyed the first hour of that one, will find plenty to like here. Me? I liked Insidious, but loved The Innkeepers. If this is any indication as to what my 2012 will be like movie-wise, then holy shit it's going to be the best year ever.

Happy New Year

2012-01-01T00:00:00.000-05:00

Well, 2011 is over already, and all in all I have to say it wasn't much better than 2010, other than I didn't get laid off this year, which was nice. Work still sucks, but I had a job for the entirety of 2011 which I can't say was the case in 2010. I had something to post almost every day this year, which I had no intentions of doing when the year began, but after I noticed I had a bit of a streak going I decided to keep it up and see just how many posts I ended up with at the end of the year. For those keeping score, I ended up with 355 posts, so just 10 shy of every single day. Not bad, or absolutely ridiculous, depending on how you feel about a person having so little of a life that he's able to blog every single day in a year.

However, blogger was pretty good to me last year, with my incessant posting, and a bit of a shift in tone with Tales From the Batcave becoming more about horror and movies, and less about comics in general, I met a lot of great new people and added a ton of followers. From the bottom of my twisted, black, emotionless heart, I sincerely thank you all for reading my little unimportant corner of the interwebs. I thank those of you who take the time to comment, follow, link, and even care enough to drop me a line through email or other such method of communication. If not for you, I probably would've stopped doing this a long time ago, or at the very least gotten drunk and deleted this blog the way I did the original Tales From the Batcave, which I regret doing to this day.

As I look forward to 2012, I will likely not be going for any kind of blogger record with posts, nor will I even attempt to match this past year's output. My current plan is to cut back on posting a bit, post less filler so to speak, and to focus more on actually writing. That means I will likely only update when I actually have something to say, however unimportant or irrelevant it may be. Of course I will still throw up the random screen grabs, comic book panels taken completely out of context, and Friday Night Drive-In movies, because they're fun to do and I enjoy them even if nobody else does. But everything is going to be more streamlined, or that's the plan at least.

I urge everyone who's still into the blogging thing to keep at it, I enjoy reading blogs even more than I enjoy writing this one. My blogroll is filled with some extremely entertaining blogs done by very talented people, yet some of them haven't been updated in weeks, or worse, months. ~~I demand to be entertained~~ Don't give up! I look forward to see what some of you have in store for 2012, and hope to continue to discover new blogs and meet new people. It's a whole new year, and to be perfectly honest, it's not going to take much for it to top 2011. Fingers are crossed. Cheers!

So Um....

2011-12-31T08:00:00.000-05:00

Anybody care to explain to me exactly what the hell I'm looking at here? Seriously, I have no idea...

Friday Night Drive-In

2011-12-30T20:00:00.000-05:00

A little late, but I feel like it's ok because first of all it's not like anybody is sitting by their computer at 7 o'clock, anxiously awaiting the movie I've picked for the week, and second of all I was destroying Fleming and bringin ig the pain to an army of demons as Garcia Fucking Hotspur, thus fulfilling my promise that I would complete Shadows of the Damned before 2012 arrived. That game was the shit....

Anyway, when I sat down to find a movie for tonight, I got really excited when I came across this one. I've only ever seen it one time, for whatever reason years ago I was awake at around 2 in the morning and I flipped by Cinemax and a movie named "Mom" was on. I had no intention of watching a movie, but as is usually the case, I got interested in it, and it turned out to be pretty awesome. Well, as awesome as a movie about a guy whose mom is turned into a flesh eating ghoul can be anyway. I had completely forgotten about this movie though! I'm actually gonna watch it tonight too. I also need to check and see if there's a dvd available, would like to add this to the collection. Enjoy "Mom" kids!

Mister Bones' Top 5

2011-12-29T12:05:00.000-05:00

The fighting game genre is one that seems to go through brief stints of popularity, then almost completely falls off the map for a while, only to resurface whenever a new entry into an established franchise is released. If any genre has suffered from the death of arcades, it's this one. I've always been a fan of fighters, Karate Champ introduced me to them, but it was the first time I dropped a quarter into a Street Fighter II machine that got me hooked.

I'm sort of a "middle ground" player, I don't study every game I play, don't really break it down to science, but then I'm far from a button-masher too. I despise button-mashers. I tend to find one or two fighters, and focus on them. The rest of the roster on the game I just use to beat up on. That works fine for single player, but when you're playing with friends, it can get boring using the same old fighters, so mixing it up becomes interesting when you're playing characters you've never played before.

Recently, the wonderful people at Xbox made Street Fighter III Online available at half price, lowering it to a mere 600 msp, and I finally lost my resolve and bought it. This makes the 6th time I've purchased this game, by the way. I still have all three Dreamcast versions, as well as the Street Fighter Anniversary Collection on both PS2 and Xbox. I'm a fan. In fact, Street Fighter III is not only probably my favorite fighting game of all time (I go back and forth between it and Capcom vs SNK 2) but it's one of my favorite games, period.

With all that in mind, and based on the fact that I'm currently fixated on Street Fighter again, I thought I'd do a top 5 featuring my favorite fighting game characters of all time. These are the five that if you're playing against me and you see me pick one, you better bring your "A game" because it's going to be a battle.

Top 5 Fighting Game Characters I'll Beat Your Ass With

5. Scorpion (Mortal Kombat) - Yeah, uh-huh...you know what it is....blackandyellow, blackandyellow, blackandyellow, blackandyellow. Remember the first time you saw Mortal Kombat? I do, and it was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen. There was blood! The characters looked like real people! Holy shit, did that ninja just rip that dude's spine out?! YES. Mortal Kombat has gone through a couple of changes over the years, some worked, some didn't, but the one that that's never changed is that as soon as I play a new MK for the first time, I'm Scorpion all the way. Be prepared for teleportation, fire breath, and of course one of the most famous lines in fighting game history....GET OVER HERE!!! Also be prepared for these words.... Scorpion wins, Fatality.

4. Voldo (Soul Calibur) - It's absolutely impossible for me to play any Soul Calibur and no immediately go to Voldo. He initially caught my eye because of his looks, like some kind of cross between a gimp and something you'd run into in the hospital in Silent Hill, but it's his quickness, reach, and unorthodox fighting style that makes me love him. He's absolutely lethal regardless of his stance. Facing forward, backward, on the ground, doesn't matter. His weapons put him at a slight disadvantage to some of the other fighters, especially those with long reach weapons like Seigfried, but his speed more than makes up for it.

3. Hwoarang (Tekken) - In multiplayer fighting amongst friends, I am to this day undefeated with Hwoarang, or as I like to call him, feets of fury. This motherfucker is as deadly as fighters in Tekken come, especially with me behind the controller. He uses a Taekwondo style that mixes plenty of different kicks with quick jabs, and some lethal throws. There is literally no other character in Tekken that comes even close to being able to compete against him. Well, maybe Eddie Gordo, maybe. But he was so cheap that he basically broke Tekken 3 anyway. Anyway, Hwoarang, I pick him and you're done.

2. Sagat (Street Fighter) - TIGER GENOCIDE. Those two words should send a chill up the spine of any Street Fighter player. I know they do mine. The single most devastating maneuver to ever grace a fighting game, and I use it mercilessly. Of course there are plenty of Tiger Uppercuts and fireballs leading up the Genocide as well. I actually never cared much for him until SF Alpha 3. I feel like that's when he really came into his own and felt more like a regular character instead of a slightly overpowered sub-boss. I fell in love with him then though, and I've never looked back. Sagat is Ryu's rival both in game, and in my own heart for best SF character overall.

1. Ryu/Ken (Street Fighter) - Probably the most over used characters in the history of fighters, especially Ryu. Ryu is like the Wolverine of fighting games. But just like Wolverine, that doesn't mean he isn't a bad motherfucker. I decided to put them both at #1 because aside from slight differences they are basically the same, and also to keep Street Fighter from completely taking over the top 5. I've been a Ryu guy since the first time I played Street Fighter II. He's my go-to anytime I feel like I'm going up against a player who knows what they're doing, Ken is my second. I can remember living in Atlanta and having matches with my roommate Walt (who is a Ken man) that could only be described as wars. Any time a new Capcom fighter is released you can count on two things, Ryu will be in it and he will be the first character I play with. Hadouken!!!

So there's my top 5 favorite fighting game characters! There are a ton of people that I felt bad leaving off, but I've been playing fighters for over 20 years now, and there's no way I could list them all here. If you've got any favorites that aren't here, feel free to give them a shout-out in the comments section. Any other fighting enthusiasts out there want to throw down? Shoot a friend request to either of the gamertags over there in the sidebar, Lil Bones on XBL or Mister_Bones on PSN.

Bonus Round!

2011-12-28T18:13:00.000-05:00

The newest design from NinjaInk has me once again cursing my boycott of TeeFury. I may not have any respect for the site, but that doesn't mean I don't dig the hell out of the art on the shirt they're printing today. It's funny, this got printed today, and I'm currently in the middle of a rekindled love affair with Street Fighter III. Coincidence? Probably so. Definitely so. Still, uncanny timing on the print. Hadouken!!!

Random Screen Grab

2011-12-27T16:40:00.000-05:00

Aquaman

2011-12-26T08:18:00.000-05:00

This pretty much makes him the scariest motherfucker on the planet as far as I'm concerned.

Merry Xmas

2011-12-25T00:00:00.000-05:00

Peyton or Pamela?

2011-12-24T08:04:00.001-05:00

A good friend of mine sent me this picture of her daughter yesterday and I asked if it would be ok to share it. This is Peyton, one of the most adorable little girls on the planet, she's incredibly smart for her age, and clearly has great taste in toys. She also calls me "Biscuit", which I'm totally cool with, and honestly wish a few more of you would start doing. The reason I wanted to post this pic though, aside from the fact that she's playing with a Jason Voorhees ~~doll~~ action figure, is that she's doing it while wearing a knit turtleneck sweater! Just like Pamela, Jason's dear old mother wore. It was the first thing I noticed when I got the picture yesterday. Just epic beyond description.

Way to go, P! You made it into Biscuit's Batcave! Keep playing with that Jason ~~doll~~ action figure.

Friday Night Drive-In

2011-12-23T19:00:00.000-05:00

The last entry in my very first Dismember December twisted Holiday movie extravaganza! This is the one I knew I would close the month out with all along. It has quick become one of my favorite Xmas traditions, the annual watching of Santa's Slay on Xmas Eve after the kids have gone to bed and I'm getting everything in the house all ready for the Xmas morning.

Get yourself all full of homicidal holiday spirit by watching Bill Goldberg play a psychotic Santa Claus who is actually a demon who lost a bet with an Angel and was forced to spend 1000 years delivering toys to children. The time is finally up on the deal though, and Santa's returning to his good old demonic ways. It's holiday fun that never gets old.

"He's scary, yet educational."

Crisis Averted, You're Welcome.

2011-12-21T18:59:00.001-05:00

You're welcome Paris and Times Square. Since the day I first deployed in Tehran to look into a possible IED in PLR posession, I have literally given my life (dozens of times) to ensure that it would never be deployed. I've lost friends, I've lost my patience, I've lost my temper, and I came very close to losing another controller. Damn snipers in the mall... But I pushed through, knowing that it was primarily up to me to ensure that the people of this great world could continue to sleep comfortably underneath the blanket of freedom that I have provided since I was old enough to hold a controller and pull the trigger.

Today all that hard work and perseverance finally paid off, both in the form of the thwarting of a nefarious terrorist plot to detonate tactical nukes in two of the world's largest cities, thus saving millions of lives, and more importantly, a 50 point achievement. To say that I'm proud of my achievement would be an understatement. My mission required me to do things that I'm a) not particularly fond of and b) not particularly good at to begin with, even on the easy difficulty setting. Accomplishing these tasks on hard was something that I barely survived in the first place, and never plan to attempt again. That time when me and Campo had Al Bashir in custody inside the mall, and the PLR were flooding in from all three floors and all I had was a sniper rifle? Dude. When that platoon got ambushed while trying to take out the mine field impeding the progress of our convoy and I had to advance on foot alone against a small PLR army to detonate the charges? I had to man the fuck up. And let's not even get into my having to shoot my CO and look like a traitor to keep Solomon from making good on his attempt to nuke Times Square. The CIA was ALL up in my shit.

In the end, it was all worth it though. I saved the world, again, and in the process gained a little gamerscore. I'm sure it won't be long before my next assignment comes across my console, it's looking like I may have to wear some sort of weird Nanosuit and defend against an alien invasion or something. I can't really get into particulars here just yet, as all I have is hearsay and speculation based on what I've read from the back of the case. Today though, today I'm just going to relax and maybe watch a little hockey, taking solace in the fact that all of you fine people were allowed to continue on with your meager existences thanks in large part to ME. You're welcome.

Infinite Playlist - Merry Xmas

2011-12-20T18:33:00.000-05:00

Dark Knight Rises trailer!

2011-12-19T16:53:00.002-05:00

Random Screen Grab

2011-12-18T19:07:00.000-05:00

There he goes...homeboy fucked a Martian once...

Hey, hey...that's the HOLY fuckin Bible, son.

Goodbyeee Hooorseeesss...

Love that Joker

2011-12-17T20:54:00.000-05:00

Friday Night Drive-In

2011-12-16T19:00:00.000-05:00

It just wouldn't be Dismember December without a little Gary Busey insanity infused for good measure. This time around he plays a homicidal gingerbread man, complete with all the lunacy, and mediocrity, we've all come to know and love from Charles Band and Full Moon Entertainment.

When convicted killer Millard Findlemeyer is put to death, his mother decides to get revenge on the family who testified against him. She takes his ashes and leaves them outside the bakery owned by the family, where they eventually end up inside the cookie dough, spawning a foul-mouthed gingerbread man who goes on a killing spree inside the bakery. It sounds stupid because it is. But then, what the fuck else were you doing to do tonight?

"It sure ain't the Pillsbury fucking Doughboy!"

Infinite Playlist - New Solace Lost!

2011-12-15T19:41:00.000-05:00

Just when you thought I was done pimping out my friends' band because I hadn't mentioned them in a little bit, I'm back with some all new Solace Lost for that ass! They dropped not one, but TWO new songs on the internet yesterday, for your unsuspecting ears to feast upon. These songs are guaranteed to melt not only your face, but the rest of you too. I'm talking like the T-1000 at the end of Terminator 2 kinda melting. You've been warned. Check out Hindsight 20-20 and a kickass cover of Sunglasses at Night, both from the forthcoming new album.

As always, if you would like to get in contact with anyone from the band, say for instance you're a record label big shot or something, or maybe you're just a groupie who wants to show some love or something, just drop me an email and I can hook that up for ya. Also, if you like what you hear, and haven't taken my numerous recommendations on grabbing their first album, give it a listen over there in the sidebar and contact me on how you can download a free copy of your very own.

Why Won't You Die...Trent?

2011-12-14T19:04:00.002-05:00

Seriously, what the fuck is it with guys in movies named Trent? Must they all be douchebags? Another Friday the 13th film (sorta) and yet another Trent that's just begging to end up on the business end of a machete. This time though, it's personal.

I've made no secret of the fact that I harbor just a little bit of a crush on miss Katharine Isabelle. I have since Ginger Snaps. Well, good old high school jock dickhead Trent here just happens to be her abusive boyfriend in Freddy vs Jason. He's nothing but a dick to her from the moment he crashes the party at Lori's house with his 12 pack of cheap beer. It even continues after they make a retreat upstairs to the bedroom to get it on. It's here the he meets his demise, courtesy of Jason's aforementioned machete, but not even death can stop this fucker. He appears one more time, during Gibb's dream sequence at the rave and ultimately leads to her getting stabbed through the chest. He got Katharine Isabelle killed! This motherfucker is done.

As stated he does die, and it's a quite satisfyingly painful looking demise, but fuck if he doesn't show back up. If ever anybody deserved to die twice, it's this guy. Unfortunately, we only get the one time though, and I always enjoy watching as Jason repeatedly stabs him through his back with the machete before folding the mattress in half, with Trent along with it. I can only hope it was as painful as it looked. Go to hell Trent, and take your cheap beer with you!

Infinite Playlist - Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck

2011-12-13T16:13:00.000-05:00

Nobody does it better than Prong!

Behind the Scenes of American Mary

2011-12-12T07:37:00.003-05:00

The first behind the scenes video from American Mary has hit the internet! You'll of course remember that Mary is the follow-up to Dead Hooker in a Trunk from the Twisted Twins, Jen and Sylvia Soska. I say you'll remember it because I've gone on and on...and on, and on about that movie and the twins since they offered to send me a screener copy of the Hooker and I fell in love with it. American Mary looks to be even better, and as previously reported will star Katharine Isabelle of Ginger Snaps fame, as Mary.

The Province recently did a piece on the Soska's about the flick, and their success in the horror business, and you can read that article here, and be sure to check out the video below. My expectations for American Mary are off the charts, based on the cast and how much I loved Dead Hooker in a Trunk. I have every confidence that Jen and Sylvia will deliver the goods, and give us horror geeks something else to worship. Can't wait!

Full Megatron Jacket

2011-12-11T10:51:00.001-05:00

I've always been a Decepticon man, always will be. In fact, if Optimus Prime would go ahead and switch sides, I would say obliterate the Autobots altogether. Hail Ript for printing this shirt, and more importantly...All Hail Megatron!!!

Hunter's on Zoey!

2011-12-10T20:35:00.000-05:00

Check out the teaser for the upcoming Left 4 Dead fan film from Airsoft GI, it's zombie-riffic...

Friday Night Drive-In

2011-12-09T19:43:00.001-05:00

The movie that did for Xmas what Halloween did for...well, Halloween. Another tale of a psycho Santa continues Dismember December at the Drive-In! When Harry walks down the stairs on Xmas Eve and spots Santa and Mommy doing more than just kissing, he's scarred for life. He forms an obsession with jolly old Saint Nick, and even becomes a toy maker himself. Eventually, the lack of Xmas Spirit he sees everywhere leads him to snap and go on a killing spree.

This one's not my favorite holiday horror flick, in fact I think I've only seen it maybe two or three times. Still, it's worth a watch at least once. I kinda wish the kills were holiday themed, but this movie has a sense of humor that makes up for the lack of a body count or inventive kills. I can't help but laugh at the ending. Enjoy "You Better Watch Out" also known as "Christmas Evil".

Random Screen Grab

2011-12-08T19:50:00.000-05:00

The Riddler's Costume is Weird

2011-12-06T05:44:00.000-05:00

What if Jaws was a Disney Movie?

2011-12-05T04:57:00.000-05:00

Shark Song from Whitehouse Content on Vimeo.

Rare Exports

2011-12-04T09:32:00.000-05:00

For whatever reason, I've always been a sucker for holiday flicks that operate outside of the norm. I'm willing to be that if you read my blog on a regular basis, you are as well. Whether it be the horror route, or just something that adds a little twist to the usual holiday proceedings, this time of year I can't get enough. I had Rare Exports recommended to me a while ago, and I finally sat down and watched it this morning.

After an archaeological dig at the top of Finland's Korvatunturi Mountain on Xmas Eve unearth's the burial place of the real Santa Claus, the workers disappear, and shortly thereafter other strange occurrences around the small town surrounding the mountain begin. Potato sacks, the radiator from every home, hair dryers, ovens, and even all the children begin to disappear. As the last child left in town, Pietari must convince his father that the real Santa has been found, and his Elves are the ones behind the strange happenings. They must be stopped before they can free Santa from his icy tomb.

I tell ya, this one took a while to get going. I was interested enough to keep watching, but it almost lost me a couple times. It's a slow burn for sure. Things do pick up though during the last 20 minutes, which are excellent. Shame that the movie only has a 75 minute or so run time, and it's over once it starts to get really good. It's not a "horror" movie, per se, more of a suspense/dark comedy with some horror elements I guess. The Elves are the only ones who do any damage, with a couple of axes to the head and the like, but there's not really much in the way of blood or gore. There's a creepiness to the whole thing, right up until the end, but it never crosses the line into scary. Santa himself we only get to see a little bit through the giant block of ice he'e encased in. I had high hopes that he would be freed, if only for a second, and if you watch it you'll see why I really, really wanted him to get some screen time.

At first I was skeptical, but the ending made me a believer, and Rare Exports has earned itself a spot in my holiday movie rotation. It won't replace Santa's Slay as my go-to Xmas Eve movie though. That's a tradition that I may never let go of. Still, Rare Exports is an easy recommendation for people looking for something a little different this time of year.

This makes me laugh

2011-12-03T20:35:00.000-05:00

It's also features the battle cry for an outlaw gun running Segway club that routinely crashes helicopters in video games and makes incredibly unsafe bonfires to celebrate Guy Fawkes Day that I'm co-founding with a good friend of mine...

WE RIDE!!!

Friday Night Drive-In

2011-12-02T21:02:00.000-05:00

Dismember December rolls along with our first official entry that actually takes place in December. Oh how I remember being terrified of the cover art on the vhs box of this one when I was a kid. There was just something about Santa's arm hanging out of that chimney gripping an axe. I would look at it in the video store, but never dared to pick it up and look at the back. In fact, I never actually watched it until a few years ago. It was one of those "I know I should, but I just haven't" flicks. I actually watched the entire series over the span of a weekend. The first one was good, the rest, well...let's just say things got weird and leave it a that.

Poor Billy, he had it pretty bad coming up. Watching his parents get killed by a dude in a Santa suit when he was just a kid, then spending the rest of his youth in an orphanage where he was raised by the iron hand of a horrible Mother Superior. When he finally gets out, and finds a job, they make dude wear a Santa suit and he finally snaps. This murder spree was YEARS in the making.

"You see Santa Claus tonight boy, you better run. Run for ya life!"

Knowing that this will inevitably be remade at some point, I'm going on record now as saying that I'm perfectly fine with the role of Billy's Grandpa going to Antwoine Dodson, provided the above line is rewritten into song as "Santa's climbin' thru ya window, cuttin yo people up, tryin to kill em, so ya'll better hide ya kids, hide ya wife, and hide ya husband, cuz he's killin errybody out here".

Infinite Playlist - New Zeppo! Twisted Up available for download

2011-12-01T21:19:00.000-05:00

A brand new Zeppo track to get you even more hyped for the forthcoming album Electroconvulsion. That's not a typo, the EP has now become an album. Hopefully you did the smart thing and pre-ordered when I first posted about it back in September. If not, I urge you to pre-order now. It's gonna cost you a little more for sleeping on it the first go round, but I have every confidence based on what I've heard that it's going to be more than worth the money.

As mentioned, a new track has hit the web, and you know I'm on top of it. Give "Twisted Up" a listen, and then get off your lazy ass and pre-order Electroconvulsion.

<a href="http://fortyfps.bandcamp.com/track/twisted-up">Twisted Up by Zeppo</a>

Baredevil

2011-11-30T18:36:00.000-05:00

It's days like today that make me wish I wasn't boycotting Teefury. This design is both awesome, and hilarious. Damn you Teefury.

Random Screen Grab

2011-11-29T20:22:00.000-05:00

Infinite Playlist - Nightmare on My Street and Are You Ready for Freddy

2011-11-28T19:00:00.000-05:00

A double does of 80's rap dedicated to our beloved Freddy Kreuger! This is exactly what music today is missing. Gone are the days of movie soundtracks where artists made original songs that in some way connected to the source material, and I just think it's sad. No, these aren't the best songs in the world, nor is Dokken's "Dream Warrirors" from NoES 3 or Laaz Rockit's "Leatherface" song from the TCM 3 soundtrack, but dammit that doesn't matter. They're songs about Freddy and Leatherface. That may not excite anybody else, but I always dug them for their cheesy charm. Enjoy "Nightmare on My Stree" and "Are You Ready for Freddy?".

Some Random Bonestube

2011-11-27T07:36:00.000-05:00

Watched a couple of interesting trailers yesterday, also watched some pretty terrible ones too, but I thought I'd share a couple that have caught my attention...

Game of Werewolves looks like an attempt at a horror/comedy with lycanthropes thrown in the mix. I'm ok with that I suppose, provided it manages to be funny. If nothing else the werewolves look pretty cool, and it has Carlos Areces, the guy who played Javier in The Last Circus, in it. I'll watch it for that reason alone.

A lot of times being such a sucker for killers who wear masks turns out to be a bad thing for me, but dammit I can't help it. I've always been drawn to creepy looking masks for whatever reason. Even if the movie sucks...*cough*LaidtoRest*cough*, I will still sit glued to the screen if the killer is wearing a badass mask. Smiley goes the extra mile though by adding Keith David and what sounds a little bit like the plot to Pumpkinhead into the mix. Works for me!

The Last Circus

2011-11-26T10:04:00.000-05:00

I'm currently under the weather again, and I woke up sick way too early this morning. Being unable to go back to sleep, I turned on the PS3 and started browsing Netflix. To my surprise, I found Alex de la Iglesia's The Last Circus staring back at me from the "More Dark Movies" suggestion tab. Holy shit! I've been wanting to see this movie forever, since the first time I saw the trailer. I was hoping to be able to catch it in a theater somewhere, and had no idea the dvd was already released. Blame that on the fact that I've been relying too heavily on Twitter for my movie, horror, gaming, and comics news. Sure it's convenient to have everything in one place, but when people don't keep things updated, I tend to miss out. I mean, it's not like at my age I can be expected to actually remember to check up on all the shit I think looks cool and want to check out, yanno?

When The Last Circus begins, it's 1937 and Spain is in the middle of it's Civil War. The Spanish army, marching through a small village, interrupts a performance by two clowns, forcing them to take up arms and join the march. Reluctantly, the clowns join them, take up weapons and when they are attacked by a band of rebels, one of the clowns almost single handedly takes out the entire group all by himself with a machete. All while still wearing his clown suit and makeup. The movie then fast forwards to 1973, and the clown's son Javier is following in his father's footsteps as a Sad Clown looking for work in a traveling circus. His first day on the job he meets Natalia, another of the circus performers, who is married to the circus' Happy Clown Sergio who is a violent, abusive drunk. Javier and Natalia strike up a friendship, and eventually fall in love. Tired of Sergio's abusive behavior, Javier sets out to rescue Natalia from her husband, all the while she is torn between her love for Javier and her lust for Sergio.

As matters begin to get more and more complicated, Javier begins to descend into madness. After a confrontation with Sergio leaves him hospitalized, he escapes the hospital with the intention of killing Sergio. He attacks him, beating him nearly to death with a trumpet. Believing he's finally rescued Natalia, Javier is distraught over her compassion for her husband. He escapes the police and flees to the woods. Things get even crazier and eventually Javier returns, in full clown garb, armed to the teeth looking to exact his revenge on Sergio and Natalia.

I really want to get more into the plot, but I don't want to spoil any more than I already have. Wow, that's all I could say when The Last Circus finally ended. It's nothing short of amazing. It's incredibly well made, well acted, well shot, well written, everything about this movie is fantastic. Javier's transformation from the cowering Sad Clown, to the insane instrument of destruction he ultimately becomes is amazing to watch because of the wonderful performance of actor Carlos Areces. Antonio de la Torre turns in an equally good performance as Sergio, who is without a doubt the villain of the movie, but at the same time is a guy dealing with his own demons, and it's hard not to feel just a little sympathetic for the guy, asshole that he is.

The design and overall look of the movie may be it's biggest asset though. The costumes are brilliant, I loved the style and tone of every character. The circus vibe in itself is cool, but having it set in the 70's gave it even more of a greasy, gritty, brightly colored polyester feel. It is one of the most entertaining films I've seen this year and I really wish I had stayed more on top of it so I could've seen it sooner, possibly on the big screen.

I've not seen any of Alex Iglesia's other work, but rest assured after watching The Last Circus, I'll be looking into his other films. I'm planning on starting with The Oxford Murders and going from there. If anybody out there who is familiar with his stuff has any suggestions, please pass them along. I haven't been this impressed with a movie since The Loved Ones. If you have a Netflix account, definitely watch this movie as soon as possible. If you don't have Netflix, do whatever you have to do to see it, you won't be disappointed.

Friday Night Drive-In

2011-11-25T19:00:00.002-05:00

Thanksgiving has come and gone, and it's beginning to look a lot like Xmas, everywhere I go. Well kids, allow me to share with you my first official "bah Humbug" of the holiday season, as I have grown to hate this particular holiday over the years. I'll keep my reasons to myself, being that the last thing the internet needs is another asshole complaining about the holidays. Anyway, as a big old FUCK YOU to Xmas, the Drive-In will be showing fucked up holiday flicks throughout the month of Dismember...er, December. Hey, that's kinda catchy. In fact, yes, this is the very first official Dismember December at my Drive-In!

What better way to start things off than with that yule tide classic, the 1974 slasher Black Christmas? Seriously, is there anything more fun than watching sorority chicks get tormented and then slaughtered in the snow? I don't think so. Let's overlook that remake from a few years ago, and give the original the credit it's due. Enjoy!

Filthy Billy, I know what you did, nasty Billy!

Happy...

2011-11-23T15:52:00.000-05:00

and remember...

Why Won't You Die...David?

2011-11-22T17:11:00.000-05:00

Man this guy is just ALL kinds of annoying. He breaks the Bro-Code, he's a negative nelly, and he does little other than bitch and complain throughout the entirety of Shaun of the Dead. He gets on my nerves right off the bat and just never lets up. Even when he has a chance to somewhat redeem himself, or admit to being wrong about Shaun, he STILL acts like a dick.

Aside from all the bitching, whining, and second-guessing of Shaun's every move, what REALLY annoys me is that it's painfully obvious to everybody that David is after Shaun's girlfriend, Liz. Nevermind the fact that he's already got a girlfriend of his own, Dianne, and she's WAY hotter than Liz. It seems that David is just one of those dude's who wants what he can't have and is never satisfied. I fucking hate that shit. He's always there, ready to point out Shaun's every shortcoming to Liz, like a little guy dressed in a devil suit sitting on her shoulder. Even when Shaun attempts to get his shit together, saving Liz and the others from the zombie horde, he is still there to bring him down. It's nothing short of a blatant Bro-Code violation, cock blocking in the first degree, which a pretty serious offense and is punishable by death.

Luckily for us, there's a large group of zombies waiting outside the Winchester ready to carry out David's death sentence. Seriously, there is nothing between you and hundreds of flesh eating zombies except a pane of glass, and you're going to stand right by the window? Yeah you deserve every bit of that being torn to shreds, dude. The best part? Liz doesn't even appear to be all that upset. Turns out you weren't as "in there" as you hoped you were, douche. Burn in Hell, David, nobody even cares that you're zombie chow.

The only Sam cooler than Sam Winchester

2011-11-21T18:38:00.000-05:00

Little sketch I did today, as I had nothing else to post and didn't feel like really writing anything. I found this image on Deviant Art an liked it, an thought "Hey, I can do that". So I did. I actually finished it back around Halloween, but not in time to post that week, I was about a week off. Anyway, it's done now, so here it is.

Infinite Playlist - Loco

2011-11-20T13:49:00.000-05:00

Blast from the past today, well sort of the past I guess. I still feel like it isn't all that old. Anyway, for your enjoyment here's Coal Chamber with "Loco"...

Justice Brociety of America

2011-11-19T10:25:00.002-05:00

You've heard of the Justice Society of America (JSA) but NOTHING will prepare you for the coming of the Justice Brociety of America (JBA)!!! So far we have a small handful of members, although hadn't been able to actually get together to fight crime and kick some asses...until tonight that is. Kaptain Kannibal and Tech Stryker took to the dark streets of Gotham City to do battle against none other than Bane. Alongside Nightwing, the JBA had little trouble subduing the Venom-filled behemoth, ridding the Gotham Harbor Lighthouse of his tyranny once and for all. It was a most thrilling victory for the JBA, can't wait to see what kind of havoc we can wreak once we get the full roster in the field...

Before taking to the harbor, Kaptain Kannibal was spotted atop the East End Gotham City Police Department, playing with the Bat-signal.

Prior to the Gotham Harbor Lighthouse battle, the JBA briefly took control of the Justice League of America's Watch Tower base on the moon. Just for the record, "took control of" definitely does NOT mean "got completely lost in". From the Watchtower security cameras, here is a photo of Tech Stryker and Kaptain Kannibal patrolling the Watchtower halls....

The JBA have arrived, and evil-doers the world over should consider themselves warned. We will not stand for your nefarious schemes, we will not tolerate your tyranny, and we're totally gonna steal your money and loot after we kick your ass. JBA Unite!

Friday Night Drive-In

2011-11-18T19:00:00.000-05:00

I have three Thanksgiving traditions. One is dinner, of course, two is football, and the third is one that I've only recently begun, in fact this will only be my third time doing it, a viewing of Thankskilling. This is without a doubt one of the stupidest things you are ever likely to see, but it's so hilariously bad that I can't help but laugh at it. There's a ridiculous origin story involving Pilgrims and Indians, and a curse which causes a homicidal turkey who is resurrected every 510 years to wreak havoc.

This movie has everything you want in your B horror movie. Terrible acting, terrible effects, blood, gore, nudity, and it's only a little over an hour long. I literally laugh until I cry every time I watch it. This turkey is a master of disguise, he mercilessly kills, rapes, and yes, even CARJACKS his way through this entire movie. I literally can't think of a better way for you to spend your Thanksgiving evening than by finding a way to watch this movie. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find it to post here in the Drive-In tonight, so you're gonna have to settle for the trailer. But the full movie is available on Netflix streaming, and I'm sure there are other options out there. Point being, do whatever you have to do, but don't miss this movie. Happy Thankskilling!

"Gobble, Gobble, Motherfucker!"

Random Screen Grab

2011-11-16T20:27:00.000-05:00

Bonus Screen Grab! In which one of the single greatest lines in the history of cinema is spoken....

What? You fuckers think just because a guy reads comics he can't start some shit?! I'll fuckin' take all of you on!!!

Zombie Rabbit Award!

2011-11-15T06:35:00.000-05:00

Look at ME! I got another award. Woo HOO! Ahem, I mean I humbly accept this award, and would like to thank all the little people who made and continue to make this blog possible. Namely ME, MYSELF, and I.

Seriously, big thanks to my blog buddy Cherry Neko, who has herself a pretty awesome blog that you should all be reading, Cherry Neko Saves the World. She writes about everything including horror, video games, comics and even a bit about herself, which is rare in the blogs that I read regularly. It's always a fun read, and I greatly appreciate her passing the zombie rabbit on to me in my little Batcave.

As per usual, there are rules involved with this award, and they state that I must pass the award along to up to 100 other bloggers, and I must link them up here in the Batcave and inform them of the award. Being as I don't think if you added the total number of people I've actually known since birth you would even get close to 100, I'll probably just do 5. And here they are in no particular order...

1. Astrovania

2. Back On Line, Back On Duty

3. Lissa's Shop of Horrors

4. Horror Movies and Beer!

5. Maynard Morrissey's Horror Movie Diary

Congrats to the winners! If I didn't pick you, it's likely because I went to your blog and you already had the award. If you didn't, it's merely an oversight on my part, and I humbly apologize. Enjoy your award people! And thanks one more time to Cherry, awards are fun.

Upgrading Your PS3's HDD the Mister Bones Way

2011-11-14T06:13:00.000-05:00

As you may or may not know, recently Sony not only made an option for DC Universe Online to become free to play, but they also offered the game itself to download for free. As you can imagine, this made me very excited and I anxiously awaited the day that this deal would go live. The day finally came, and sadly I was unable to get the game right away, as it required 20g of free space, and my meager 40g hdd was already nearly full.

I had read online that you could buy a larger hdd and easily install it in your PS3, but hadn't really had a need to do so before, even though I had considered doing it just because. This game, however, with it's monumental space demand forced my hand. Now, consider that I'm not very knowledgeable when it comes to things like this. I wasn't even sure what a hdd looked like before I started looking at pictures of them on the many, many tutorials I read before attempting this. I had my doubts at to whether it would be as easy as these articles continually assured me it would be.

As it turns out, it wasn't easy. In fact, the entire process from start to finish took me about 16 hours. In an effort to help anybody else out there who may be thinking of upgrading their PS3 hdd's, I thought I'd do a little step-by-step "how-to" post, breaking down my experience so that you can really see what all is involved with this project.

1. Google - Google is my bestie when it comes to doing almost anything. And when I say anything, I mean anything. I've googled everything from how to tie a tie, to how to scramble eggs. When I first decided to do this hdd upgrade, I read a TON of articles, tutorials, and how-to's, and learned many new terms, such as FAT32, SATA, NTFS, and 5400 rpm.

2. Get discouraged - Yep, all those new terms, none of which I had any understanding of whatsoever, coupled with the fact that I was having trouble finding a larger hdd for the amount of money I wanted to spend (not much) got me to thinking about throwing in the towel early. Luckily, I mentioned to a friend at work that I was debating on upgrading, and he asked me what size drive I needed, and hooked me up with one for my absolute favorite price to pay for anything, NOTHING.

3. Get excited - A free 350g hdd! Score! Now I HAD to go through with it, no way I'm not taking advantage of that kind of generosity. Back to the tutorial reading!

4. Begin process of transferring data from old hdd to external hdd - I didn't want to lose my Arkham City save. That is the one and only reason I even bothered with moving any data from the old drive to the new one. In order to do this, I apparently had to format my 1t hdd to from NTSC to FAT32, whatever the hell that means. According to many sources online, this was easily done by opening a command window and typing in "format /fs:fat32 X:" but replace the "X" with whatever letter is assigned to your external hdd.

5. Wait 10 hours - Yep, followed the directions above, and looked at the time as the format progressed. By my calculations, this was going to literally take somewhere around 10 hours to complete.

6. Go to bed - Formatting wasn't going to be done until close to 2am, andl let's not kid ourselves, there's simply no way my old ass will be staying up that late for any reason, let alone this one. I took my tired ass to bed.

7. Wake up, check format progress - Well, it finished but I got a message stating "Volume too high for FAT323". Apparently drives larger than 32g don't like the FAT32 format. Who knew?!

8. More Googling - I'm back to Google, trying to figure out how to format a larger capacity drive to FAT 32. I'm learning more new terms, like "partition". I'm now googling "partition". Discourage is setting in again, as there seems to be a lot of opinion as to the best way to go about creating a partition, and apparently it requires the download of a program which will do so.

9. Come close to quitting - At this point, I was getting aggravated with the whole thing.

10. Find a youtube video which also has a link to a program that will format my 1t hdd without creating a partition - SCORE. Back in the game.

11. Begin transfer of content from PS3 to external hdd - This was easy, bascially one of the only parts that I had no problem with. Find your stuff, hit the triangle button, hit copy.

12. Remove hdd tray from PS3 - Almost every single tutorial will tell you how easy this is. These are LIES. Sure, it was easy to open the small plastic cover over the hdd tray, but that's where the easy stops. To remove the screw that holds the tray in place, you must first find the world's smallest phillip's head screwdriver, you must then harness the strength of Hercules to get the tiny screw to release it's grip from the tray.

13. Remove hdd from hdd tray - You just THOUGHT the tray screw was tiny, and had a steely grip. The four screws that hold the hdd in the tray have been spot welded into place by lightning bolts thrown down from the top of Mount Olympus by Zeus himself. I'm pretty sure I heard them laughing at me as I tried in vain to get them to release the death grip they had on the tiny 40g hdd. Eventually, through the aid of a rubber band, pliers, and my screwdriver, I managed to remove three of the screws, MacGyver style. Yep, three, not four.

14. Strip the fourth screw - Dear God at the obscenities that spewed forth from my mouth when that last screw stripped. My occasional tourrette's came on in FULL force. I'm pretty sure I've only been madder at anything once in my life, and that was the time that I got so mad a Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2, and for some reason my brain decided that the curse words that exist in the English language aren't harsh enough, so I ended up screaming the words "YOU CORE" at my skater. "Core" being an amalgamation of two other words, which I'll leave up to you to decipher.

15. Get out the tool box - I had to get this screw out, even if I destroyed the universe in the process. My struggle against the hdd tray had become personal. I was so close to finally getting the damn thing out, and here was this one little tiny screw smugly staring back at me, mocking my rage, refusing allow me progress further toward my goal. This motherfucker was coming out one way or another. To the tool box! I tried everything I knew to try, different screwdrivers, pliers, a chisel, a hammer, my power drill, etc. and still this damn screw held strong.

16. When all else fails, DESTROY - Being a man, as is my nature, when something doesn't work, or do what I want it to do, I resort to destruction. The screw won't come out? Ok then, I'll take to goddamn tray off around it. Luckily the tray itself was nowhere near as strong as the screws that were connected to it, so I began the process of bending the metal around the screw so that I could pry it out. After a few minutes, I did just that. Sure, the hdd tray was a mass of mangled, twisted metal on one corner, but that's beside the point. In the war against the screw, I had emerged victorious.

17. Put the new hdd in place - Easy peasy. I did my best to bend some of the metal back to what it was supposed to look like, just enough to get the hdd in place and put the screws in it. Goddamn screws. Then put the tray back in the PS3 and replace the tray screw.

18. Turn on PS3, get "Correct Hard Drive Not Found" error message - You've got to be fucking kidding me. None of the tutorials I read made any mention of this error message. Back to Google, and yep apparently this is a fairly common problem, although there seemed to be a lot of difference of opinion when it came to how to deal with it. The one thing that everyone seemed to agree on was to bring up the PS3 recovery menu by holding down the power button until you hear two quick beeps. Did that, and decided to first try the "Restore File System" setting, as that to me sounded like what the problem might be....

19. Get "critical error has occurred" message - This obviously wasn't the right option to choose. FML.

20. Get supremely discouraged, believe that you've essentially destroyed your PS3, decide your best option may be to sell it for parts to somebody on eBay - Yep.

21. Try other options, "just to see" - Maybe I could bring her back, maybe I hadn't completely broken the console. I decided to at least try some of the other options in the restore menu, I did "restore default settings", "restore PS3 system", and even "system update", and nothing worked.

22. Google, one more time - Last chance before I give up, I looked one more time, if I couldn't find anything else I was going to attempt to put the 40g hdd back in and call it a day. I found one more thing to try, downloading a system update file from the Sony website, putting it on the external hdd, and uploading it from there to the PS3 system, from the system recovery menu. It sounded like a long shot to me, like it was too simple of a fix, but it was all I had left so what the hell.

23. Download the system update file - First thing I had to do was go into my external hdd and create a PS3 folder, then go into that folder and create a second folder labeled "update". Folder creation, FINALLY something I can do without needing assistance from Google! Got that all done, now back to the PS3...

24. Upload system update - To upload the update, I first went back to the "restore PS3 system" option from the restore menu. I fired up the controller, and waited to see if the system was going to find the file to upload....

25. SUCCESS! - The file uploaded, and the PS3 went back through all the motions as if I had just gotten it out of the box. I set everything all up, restored my PSN account, and transferred all the info from the external hdd to my brand spanking new 350g hdd. Next step was to re-download all my PSN games, including the hdd space hogging behemoth that set these events into motion, DCU Online.

(not actually me, but pretty close)

That's all there is to it! Easy right? Just like all those damn tutorials said it would be. If you're planning on upgrading your PS3 hdd anytime soon, might I suggest you skip all those other tutorials, and simply follow my 25 step program detailed above, in a mere 16 hours you'll be transformed into a hdd changing BEAST, just like me.

Infinite Playlist - Astral Rejection

2011-11-13T14:32:00.001-05:00

Some new I Set My Friends on Fire for the Infinite Playlist today. This is one of my favorite tracks off their new album, "Astral Rejection", which also happens to be the name of the song. It starts off pretty fast, but give it a chance, the pace changes a couple times, which should come as no surprise to fans of this band.

Astral Rejection is a great follow-up to their first album "You Can't Spell Slaughter Without Laughter", thankfully they didn't stray too far from the formula that made that album so good. They have a distinct sound that I really dig the hell out of. They aren't for everybody, and that's ok, but I love em. Enjoy!

Hellboy: House of the Living Dead

2011-11-12T14:24:00.000-05:00

In this new original hardcover from Dark Horse, Hellboy wrestles luchadores in Mexico, there's a Frankenstein's Monster, a werewolf, demons, and almost a vampire. Almost. Seriously, why wouldn't you want to read this book?

It's a direct continuation of the "In Mexico" one-shot from last year, which just as House of the Living Dead, featured a collaboration between two of my most favorite creators currently working in comics, Mike Mignola and Richard Corben. Mignola of course is the creator of Hellboy and the BPRD, and should be a stranger to absolutely nobody. Richard Corben however, is a little more obscure of a reference, sadly even to most comic book fans. He's done work for all the major publishers, but it's because of his affinity for horror comics, like Hellblazer, Steve Niles and Rob Zombie's Bigfoot, and of course Hellboy. He has a bit of a different style, but I dig it.

House of the Living Dead is a fairly quick read for a $15 hardcover, but the story is so much fun, I couldn't pass it up. Plus if you've read "In Mexico", you'll probably be interested in seeing where the story goes. There's nothing in the way of extra material, like you'd find in a trade paperback, this is strictly just the story. While it's not mandatory to have read "In Mexico" prior to reading this, I would recommend tracking down a copy to get the full tale. Unless you're a Hellboy completionist, or die hard Mignola/Corben fan (I'm guilty on both counts) it's hard for me to recommend picking up the hardcover on House of the Living Dead. It will likely either be released at a cheaper price as a softcover at some point soon, or collected in one of the next Hellboy trades, and that might be a better bet for most people. Still, it's definitely a fun read, and worth it for the story and art.

Friday Night Drive-In

2011-11-11T19:00:00.000-05:00

It's Veteran's Day, and in the Batcave we're celebrating the only way we know how, breaking out the Uncle Sam dvd and getting tipsy! I know this may be another movie that a lot of you would turn your nose up at, but listen up ya horror snob, this is one damn entertaining movie. Plus it's got some serious sleaze and horror street cred, as William "Maniac, Maniac Cop, Vigilante" Lustig directs, and PJ Soles even has a bit part. I had zero expectations going in the first time, and I ended up having a blast with it. So much so that I watch it at least once a year, either on the 4th or Vets Day, and tonight I'm showing it at my Drive-in.

Sam Harper is killed in action in Desert Storm, and has his remains shipped home to his sister's house. After some teenagers burn an American Flag over his burial site, he returns from the grave on July fourth to wreak havoc and mercilessly slaughter all the unpatriotic people in town.

"I want YOU....Dead."

Two-Face SMASH!

2011-11-10T05:16:00.003-05:00

For my buddy, the Artist formerly known as J. Astro...

Random Screen Grab

2011-11-09T17:05:00.000-05:00

Love that Joker

2011-11-08T15:51:00.000-05:00

Paranormal Activity 3

2011-11-07T08:17:00.001-05:00

Yep, the franchise that does absolutely nothing for me, yet I keep watching is in theaters yet again, and just like last time, I actually watched it knowing full well that I wasn't going to like it. The thing about these movies, other than the fact that they're all incredibly boring, is that I don't like a single one of these characters. The girls, their husbands, boyfriends, children, dogs, whatevers, don't give a rat's ass about them one way or the other. So when their doors start slamming and kitchenware begins to fall down, I don't care at all. Then there's the fact that whatever this paranormal entity is that's been tormenting these women their entire lives is supposedly a demon, yet all it can seem to do is open doors, or in the case of the second movie, clean the pool. It's a fucking DEMON.

Paranormal Activity three serves as a prequel as we're given a look at the sister's when they were younger and this activity first began. No real reason to go into a long, detailed plot synopsis here, that's all there is to it. Paranormal Craptivity in all it's glory for the third time. I will say that some kinda freaky shit does go down at the end of this one, as the invisible attic chicken who likes to clean pools and open doors takes a bit of a back seat to some seriously creepy other stuff that's going on. There's also a bit of pretty brutal violence that isn't just implied, which is a first for Paranormal Activity. Worry not though, chicken fans, there's still a fair amount of absolutely harmless and seemingly pointless furniture moving too. It's pretty difficult to talk about what worked and what didn't in this one for me without giving everything away, and being that between these three films, there's somewhere in the neighborhood of 12 minutes of actual entertainment to be found, to ruin the 4 entertaining minutes of PA3 feels wrong. I also can't really comment on the apparent lack of absolutely anything that happened in the trailer turning up in the final movie. It's apparently made quite a few people angry, however can't honestly say that I ever remember actually watching a trailer for it, so I'm not sure what's missing or if it may have made it a better, or completely different movie, which is what I've read a lot of since the movie released. I suppose I could do so now being that I've seen the movie, but I'm really not that interested.

So as to not come off as a complete ass here, I will give Paranormal Activity 3 a bit of credit by saying that if it had been the first movie in this series, I probably would've liked it a whole lot more. Of course then if you followed it up with the other two movies, I'd end up severely disappointed, and likely still not be a fan of the series. I'm way more down with the paranormal activity in part 3 than I am with the attic chicken. That being said, and if I may borrow a line from Mitch at the end of Waiting, being the best Paranormal Craptivity movie is like being the smartest kid with Downs Syndrome. I can only imagine if you liked the first two movies, this one you'll love as it really is superior. For the rest of us who have been underwhelmed thus far, PA3 is a step in the right direction, but there's still a long way to go. I don't know how many more of these I'm going to be willing to sit through, but if they ever end up winning me over, I'll be surprised.

Infinite Playlist - Flattus Maximus Memoriam

2011-11-06T09:44:00.000-05:00

Remember, Remember....

2011-11-05T09:18:00.001-04:00

Remember, Remember the fifth of November

Gunpowder, treason, and plot

I see no reason why gunpowder, treason

Should ever be forgot

Happy Guy Fawkes day Motherfawkers!

Friday Night Drive-In

2011-11-04T19:00:00.000-04:00

Fuck the Police! Unless of course they're undead maniacs who go on murder sprees, if that's the case then they're pretty awesome. Maniac Cop 2 has the titular officer return from the dead, and teaming up with the Times Square Killer to exact revenge on the criminals who murdered him. It also has Bruce Campbell in it, and that alone is enough reason to show it at my Drive-In.

"You know, I feel like I'm a crusader against the whores of the world."

Scream

2011-11-03T18:54:00.000-04:00

I dig the art on my latest purchase from shirt.woot, but I think it was the placement that really sold me on it. I see lots of wearing of this shirt in my immediate future. Groovy, shirt.woot!

Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)

2011-11-02T19:15:00.000-04:00

I will never forget my reaction upon first reading about The Human Centipede..."the fuck?" I thought. It sounded ridiculous, and I basically dismissed it almost immediately. Of course then the rest of the world got wind of it, and suddenly horror sites everywhere began to sing it's praises at almost the exact same time that the "normal" people of the world turned their noses up in disgust, most of whom did so without ever actually seeing the film. Despite my initial disinterest in the movie, I decided at some point that I should probably watch it, just to say I'd seen it, and to form my own opinion on the subject. Turns out it was a fairly well made flick, with a creepy doctor guy who was played pretty well by Dieter Laser (who's name is fucking awesome), but outside of that I found the whole thing to be as ridiculous as I thought it would. It certainly wasn't disturbing, scary, or deserving of all the banning and such.

With that amount of attention, as with any other movie these days, it was only a matter of time before talk of a Human Centipede II began, and it has arrived in a big way. A while back there was a letter posted online from the British Board of Film Classification detailing several disgusting details that lead to the film being banned outright, and thus the hype machine was up and running full steam. I have to admit that while I didn't fully drink the kool-aid this time around, I did want to see HCII and hoped that it would win me over where it's predecessor never did. I've seen it now, and sadly I guess I still just don't get it.

Martin, a mentally challenged man who lives at home with his mother and works the night shift as a security guard in a parking garage, is obsessed with the first Human Centipede film, particularly the work of Doctor Heiter, the surgeon who created the titular Centipede. Martin idolizes the doctor, and when the abusive conditions of his bleak existence push him too far, he sinks even further into his own little world where Doctor Heiter is a hero. He takes his infatuation with the film to the next level, and begins plans to build his own 12 person human centipede. As you can imagine, being that Martin is a guy living in the real world where things like a human centipede are ridiculous, things don't exactly go well.

Tom Six, I see what you did there. Here's what I envision your thought process must have been when you first sat down to create a Human Centipede sequel: "You fuckers want to ban my flick and call me a sick bastard before eve watching it? Well check THIS shit out!" Human Centipede II is every bit as you sick and disgusting as you heard the first one was. There's so much gore and various bodily fluid slinging about in certain scenes that the entire movie is done in black and white. It got so bad at one point that I went from laughing at how ridiculous things had gotten to turning away from the screen because it was just too much for me. I won't go into detail as to what I turned from, but it wasn't centipede related, that's all I'm gonna say.

While I applaud Mr. Six for his big ole "FUCK YOU" to the critics and haters of the original film, unfortunately that doesn't mean I enjoyed this movie any better than The Human Centipede. I guess I just don't see the appeal. I mean, yeah I like to take little Lego guys and connect them head to ass just as much as the next guy, but only because it makes me laugh. It certainly doesn't disturb me, and the thought of them all using the same digestive system just seems pointless and stupid, and serves solely as the basis for bathroom humor, which I outgrew somewhere around twelve. Is it gross? Sure, but that doesn't make it disturbing, it just makes it gross.

It seems pointless to make a recommendation about The Human Centipede II one way or the other. You've likely already made your mind up as to whether you're watching it or not. I do think that if you liked the first one, you'll probably love this one. It takes the original idea and cranks the "fucked up" dial up to 11. For the rest of us who didn't really dig the first one, Human Centipede II probably won't be any different. It wasn't for me anyway. Bummer, as I really want to like Tom Six. I'm hoping two films will get the centipede stuff out of his system and he'll move on to something else that I'll end up liking.

Trick or Treating

2011-11-01T15:59:00.000-04:00

Took the kiddos out last night for trick or treating, as I hope most of you also did. We were out for over two hours, hit two different neighborhoods around town, and came home with a metric ton of candy.

My son has never actually seen a Friday the 13th movie, believe it or not, so it surprised me when he decided he wanted to be Jason for Halloween this year. I guess he's seen all the action figures, comics, masks, and posters laying around the house, and thought Jason just looked cool. We went the cheap route and got a generic mask, flannel shirt, big knife, and threw some fake blood all over him. I also painted his face underneath the mask. Not bad for working with not much of a budget.

When I asked my daughter what she wanted to be, her initial response was "Supergirl", which I can only assume is because that's what she was last year. We ended up compromising on Wonder Woman, which worked out great because I friend of mine handed me down a pretty cool WW costume which just happened to fit Miss Caitlin. For trick or treating, she would eventually lose the boots/shoe cover things, and just rock her red tights and Nike's.

Another fun year and great Halloween at the Bones household. Even though I'm under the weather, and feel like absolute ass, the kids had a blast and that's what counts. I felt so bad I didn't even bother attempting a costume for myself. I did top the night off with my traditional viewing of Trick r Treat before heading to bed early though. Can't believe Halloween has come and gone again, I'm already looking forward to next year.

2011-10-31T07:00:00.002-04:00

Treehouse of Horror XXII

2011-10-30T13:21:00.000-04:00

Yet another of my absolute favorite Halloween traditions, the annual Treehouse of Horror episode of The Simpsons airs tonight at 8pm est on Fox. Looks like we'll get parodies of Avatar, and a "hidely-ho neighborino" Ned Flanders version of Dexter, among other things. Can't wait!

Shark Pool

2011-10-29T06:58:00.000-04:00

Friday Night Drive-In

2011-10-28T19:00:00.022-04:00

Tis' the season, so tonight the Drive-In is showing John Carpenter's classic! If you're reading this blog, you've probably seen this movie a million times, and before the end of the weekend, will probably be changing that number to a million and one. I know I'm gonna be watching it at some point before Monday night. So sit back, relax, and watch one of the greatest horror films of all time.

"I met him fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life and death, good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six year old child with this blank, pale, emotionless face, and the blackest eyes....the devil's eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply...evil."